A lifetime of work experience leaves many of us adrift at some point in our “work careers.” I love that phrase in that it glorifies what’s basically a soul-killing enterprise.

After freelancing and being primarily self-employed since mid-2012, I’m back in a work environment similar to the previous world I once inhabited. Working at home seems romantic to many who haven’t done it for any significant period. The reality of staying home and working remotely is pretty isolating. At least I found that to be true, especially since Mark was killed.

I did spend the past two years being out five nights a week, tutoring at a private school. That gig helped pay the bills and I did get out of the house. But the students were difficult, save for a few that I felt I might have made some small difference with. Then again, I might be deluding myself. The tutors I worked with and saw every night aren’t people I’ve remained in-touch with.

Find your lane and stay in it.

I’m in week four of a new job. It’s the “honeymoon” phase, so my expectations are minimal. They pay me, so anything more than that will be a bonus.

In truth, as jobs go, my commute isn’t too bad—it’s 20 miles, all highway. I do have to navigate the traffic mess on the turnpike and then take 295 through Portland to the edge of the peninsula where the campus where I work is located. Fridays are my longest day for the week. It also means that returning home has been a mess each time I’ve trekked back south to Biddo.

I’m enjoying having a day off during the week. Monday and Wednesday are shorter days, although I’ve worked over a couple of times already. I guess that despite hiring a bunch of new people, my work site is still short-handed. At least we seem to be, at least at times.

A couple of co-workers that had their onboarding the same time as I did, and then, went through the two weeks of training with me are interesting people. We seem to share similar values and I actually have something to talk about with them. I’ve also made a conscious decision to “dial it down” in terms of putting myself out there and being my old gregarious self at work.

I’m learning to “stay in my lane” because that’s the way my employers wants things to be. I have no urge to buck that expectation. Expecting little or nothing means that being disappointed is less likely.