I can be going through my day, oblivious to this season’s constant reminders of the second anniversary signposts Mary and I’ll be moving past in December and January. Then, a song comes on the radio, or in the sequencing of CD/album, or a Spotify playlist, and I’ll be wrecked. What is it about certain songs that hit me with the emotional equivalent of a ton of bricks?
Not only does certain music and more specifically, songs, affect me, but hearing people talk about their own loss also triggers emotions. Like several nights last week, driving home from tutoring, and hearing Mark Curdo winding down another day of Markathon on WCYY.
Yo La Tengo plays some amplified Hanukkah tunes. (Brooklyn Vegan photo)
As he closed out each day of fundraising, the later hour meant that the busyness of responding to phone calls and other communication had lessened. The solitude of the hour allowed Curdo to open up and speak about his own experiences with grief, or share his heart about the center’s work and mission to help those moving through the grief journey. One night, it was Curdo talking about Brendon Whitney, the talented Portland rapper (who rapped as Alias) and producer who died unexpectedly last April. Curdo was forthcoming about how his close friend’s death devastated him. Another night and the tears were flowing as I headed south on Route 1, headed for home.
His week-long fundraising marathon for the Center for Grieving Children is one of those radio experiences that when you get to experience it, you keep coming back for more. As a DJ, he’s one of the best. I’m not sure why, but I think it’s because he’s not trying to be anyone else but the human being he is, and it comes across the airwaves to anyone listening, who has a heart.
On Thursday night last week, he had Jeff Beam and Kate Beever in the studio. Both are talented musicians who recently became husband and wife. I knew a bit of Beam’s music from following the Portland music scene scuttlebutt for years. Beever’s someone I’m less familiar with.
Not only is Beever a singer/songwriter with chops, but she holds a Master’s degree in Music Psychotherapy. She shared with Curdo that she had opened Maine Music & Health, and was a “music therapist.”
I was intrigued enough to search out her website the following day. She’s has a blog and in addition to being a talented musician, as well as a trained therapist, she’s also a great writer. Her blog post she posted in 2016 titled, “Why Am I Crying?? The Surprise Connections Between Music Listening & Emotion” really spoke to me. Her post helped to have a bit more understanding why songs never fail to evoke profound sadness and elicit emotions, as I reflect yet again on the never-ending sadness produced by Mark’s death.
Beever wrote that specific parts of our brain partner in provoking a response to music.
Today, we know that the amygdala (involved in emotion and memory) and the cerebellum (which gives us the experience of intense emotion) work together to create responses to music. The cerebellum adjusts itself to synchronize with the music to which we listen, and it does that immediately- this is what makes us tap along in time to a favorite song. And circuits in the brain called mirror neurons provide us with the empathy to connect our own meaning to that of the music- even if we don’t know what the composer actually meant. Experiencing empathy leads to feeling compassion, and this feels good. Listening to music, therefore, is good for all of humanity.
One of the many songs that I experience viscerally is Sharon Van Etten’s “One Day” (from her Epic EP). It causes me to weep, while missing Mark.
Van Etten joined Yo La Tengo on stage, as they trotted out another week of Hanukkah performances in New York City (after a five-year hiatus). I especially like this live version of “One Day.”