I believe that honesty, hard work, and being genuine will ultimately win out in just about everything we do that has any lasting value. That said, there will be times when no matter how hard you try, and regardless of the efficacy of your cause, someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart will string you along and then, squash you like a bug. What’s worse, these people have managed to dupe their little band of followers and sycophants that aren’t aware of their disingenuous qualities, or maybe they are, but for whatever reason, they continue telling the emperor that their clothes look great.
For the last few months, I’ve been coming here each Tuesday and drawing on my own experiences to share what I think reinvention and striving for success requires. I never ask anyone to do what I haven’t already done. I’m sure a few readers probably think, “he’s got it all figured out.” Nothing could be further from the truth.
The past few years, while a bit choppy at times, have been positive from a personal growth standpoint. Things that have been struggles for most of my life have yielded to new approaches. Having a greater self-awareness, formerly lacking, has even offered up an epiphany or two.
No matter how much I try to get beyond it, however, rejection really throws me for a loop. I inevitably personalize it and then I’m vulnerable to self-doubt. Worse, sometimes I project anger at others that don’t deserve it, and then, I’ll even harbor fantasies to get even. It all becomes a major waste of time, energy, and it derails positive momentum. Not tools for success that’s for sure. I know all this, but mere intellectual awareness isn’t enough of a shield when someone that was never sincere to begin with, just brushes you off like a piece of lint.
My son has mentioned on a number of occasions that I need to learn to brush rejection off with that same kind of flippant shrug. He even sent me an article that posits we should “give a crap,” but not “give a fuck.” I like that advice, I just wish I could make it part of The JBE Guide to Experiential Living.
I do give a crap about everything I put my name on. When I choose to direct my energy and talents towards making something work, it’s personal to me, not a mere punch of the clock. Too often, I also give a f@ck when others’ big talk ends up lacking an accompanying walk to go with it. Of course, taking a page from my own guidebook, I know that the only person I can control is me, the JBE!
Sunday was a sucky day for me. I should have known not to open a work-related email. I put in more hours than I get paid for at one of several gigs (the one I’m not allowed to talk about on this blog) that keep me from living in my car. Still, I needed information for something else, so I accessed my email account and of course, I had to open the email that sent me reeling. It ruined what could have been a really nice day at home with people I love and care about. What was even more troubling about my reaction was that the day before, my successful delivery of my Publishing 101 Boot Camp had me feeling really good about my efforts to share my knowledge with a terrific and talented group of attendees. The six hours flew by and I felt at the top of my game.
I have this gesture that I use with my wife and a few others close to me. I’ll describe it as the “hook ‘em horns” gesture, index finger and pinky extended; then, I’ll point it towards my eyes, and then forcefully jab it towards the other person. It’s a bit of a variation of the DeNiro/Stiller routine in Meet the Fockers. When I employ it, the premise is that I “see you.” This means I know that you know that I see you for the fake and poser that you are. I’m considering breaking this out for public consumption, real soon.
Sometimes, I have a sense that more than a few people that I rub elbows with know this about me and know that I see them for what they are; basically, fakes.
Growth is about continuing to work on those areas where you might not be as strong in, while leveraging the talents and skills that are your assets. I know this, so I’m going to work really hard about my recent rejection and consider not giving a flip about it.
If nothing else, blogging sometimes serves as a form of cheap therapy. I’m already feeling better about it. I hope you find a way around what’s keeping you stuck today.
Self-help Tuesdays, every Tuesday @ the JBE; because we all need a little self-help.