From time-to-time, I’ll review blog topics I’ve brushed up against. Partly, I do this to ensure I don’t duplicate posts or topics (except posts about topics that I think need to be highlighted).

What surprised me was that while I’ve been thinking (and talking) about the topic of “emotional intelligence” a lot lately, I only have one post with that tag. That one was written last March, and only briefly touched on the topic. I mentioned it after I came across an (obscure) book written about the grief and loss associated with losing an adult child.

One thing that is all-too-clear to me is that we are being affected by leaders deficient in this crucial capability. And if you haven’t experienced the fallout yet, I’m sure you will at some point in the future, rest assured.

Mark cultivated the traits of an emotionally healthy, attuned adult. What are these?

According to The Dictionary of Psychology, written by Andrew Colman, he posits that emotional intelligence (EQ) is characterized by the “capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one’s goal(s).”

There’s much more to this topic than this brief snippet. I will commit to coming back to it, I promise.

Do you know what your EQ (emotional intelligence) is? Probably not. Our emotional capacity often gets short shrift, when stacked against IQ, or the intellectual side of our humanity. But our EQ is very important, as Howard Gardner, an influential Harvard theorist and psychology professor notes. “Your EQ is the level of your ability to understand other people, what motivates them and how to work cooperatively with them,” says Gardner. Here’s a brief list of traits that emotionally intelligent people present:

• Self-awareness
• Self-regulation
• Motivation
• Empathy
• Social skills

The social skills piece is something I’ve been closely aligned with, especially given my workforce background experience. These various skills, which run the gamut from persuasion and the ability to communicate clearly, to conflict management, the ability to build bonds with others, leading through collaboration and cooperation—would fall

Gardner actually believed that having “multiple intelligences” was essential for success. According to his theory on this, limiting everything to the intellectual (or perhaps, logical) severely limits our potential.

EQ is in short supply these days.

I’m curious what kind of score someone like Waterville mayor, Nick Isgro, would come up with, or our governor, or even the gang of representative in DC who can’t agree on anything. I won’t bother considering what President Trump might score. He wouldn’t take the test, and then, he’d brag, “I’m the most emotionally intelligent president in U.S. history.” He’d expect us to take him at face value. Actions speak louder than words, though.

The reason I’m touching down on EQ today is that shortly after waking, I read a note I’d received from a young writer who is working on an essay. He shared that he drew upon Mark’s example and his willingness to reveal himself and be emotionally present to people in his life. While this writer didn’t know my son, he obviously recognized this from his videos and writing, from the walk, and things he knew about Mark as a writer, prior.

One approach might have been denying the emotions that flooded my life after Mark was killed. Instead, I chose to write about them on this blog. From here, I’ve also been working on a book-length treatment of what losing an adult son feels like, from a father’s perspective. In order to capture the emotions I think are relevant to something I consider important, I’ve worked to find that space (or approximate it as closely as possible) where Mark was living during his final walk. What was he thinking about, reading (or listening to)? Much of this is available in the abundant work he left behind—an amazing digital record of his final days on Earth.

Rather than remain emotionally closed off from a life-changing event, I’ve faced-off with conflicting emotions and the attendant pain and fall-out, full-on. Mary’s done the same thing, approaching it in a different manner than I would, as a writer. I admire her for this and it’s only strengthened what had already been a strong bond between life partners.

Mark was a practitioner of meditation. For some reason, I remained resistant to it while he was alive and even over the past year after his death. While he never was pushy or preachy about any of his practices, I know it had changed him and deepened him, emotionally. I have an email from him with links and suggestions he sent me while he was out walking, when I asked him for guidance about how to start.

Last week, I listened to the Rich Roll Podcast, episode 346. His guest was Dan Harris. Harris, who self-describes himself to be the most unlikely candidate to embrace meditation. Harris shared his own reservations and how he overcame them. This interview resonated with me.

Harris has written a book about it. I’ve ordered it. More important to me, I began taking a few minutes each day (and try to remember to do this at least one other time) to quiet myself and center using simple techniques that have been around from time immemorial.

Meditation is an important practice, especially in our always-connected world of technology and incessant white noise. I’ve already recognized benefits in doing this.

I’ll plan to come back to this topic, later. Maybe report out on Harris’s book after I read it.