Monthly Archives: November 2019

The Worst

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Falsely (this is born out to me, daily), I’ve held onto some delusional notion that for a few days and perhaps—even weeks—humans in America can dig deeper and find their better natures. And after all their efforts at excavation—actually extend their humanity beyond the end of their noses. It’s probably a case of too many times viewing “It’s a Wonderful Life,” or Hallmark’s endless parade of holiday happy-ever-after schlock.

I know I’m living on another planet. Just days before Thanksgiving—that most American of holidays in terms of myth and nostalgia—I was reminded yet again in a very in-your-face sort of way of how shitty nearly every human I manage to rub elbows with, or come close enough to, and having their noxious aura leak into my own personal space. Did I tell you that I hate most humans (or many of the ones I am forced to endure, daily)?

At work, there is a tree. Someone thought we could all write what we’re thankful for on a blank leaf. Then, hang it on the tree. I don’t hold it against them. They meant well.

For more than a week now, I’ve been trying to think of something I could write that wouldn’t sound snarky, or be considered mean, or end up simply being sad. It occurred to me today that I won’t be adding a leaf to the tree.

Before Mark was killed, I had a dream. In the dream, I was asked to front a band and play guitar. This from the guy who was years out from beginning his year-long journey into simply surviving, picking up a guitar and playing it nearly every day. In the dream, somehow, I faked my way through songs and they sounded really good. I woke from the dream and thought, “I wish I could play like that.” Continue reading →

Barre Chords are Hard

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It’s a rare day when I don’t spend at least 30 minutes with one of my guitars: whether it’s strapping on my electric or cradling my acoustic. Often, I’ll spend time with both. This has yielded improvement I never expected. Still, I have a way to go to play as well as I’d like to.

The internet is chock full of videos on all aspects of guitaring. But like all things interwebs, this plethora of information doesn’t always guarantee that you’ll learn things in a systematic manner. Also, you can spend more time searching for or simply watching videos rather time in the “wood shed” actually practicing your chops.

There’s a local musician I’ve been following. He’s had some measure of success and a few Saturdays ago, he was playing at a local watering hole. I decided to drive down to the beach and catch a set of his. I also had an ulterior motive—I was going to ask if he’d be game for giving me lessons.

We talked and he said to reach out to him via Facebook. I waited a week and sent him a note.

I’m an impatient person. When I didn’t hear back, I began looking for another teacher.

The problem once again with the internet is that it’s great for revealing information—it really sucks in terms of accessing what that information means.

On Monday I put Danny in the back seat in the midst of a snow squall and drove to South Portland. I pulled up outside a nondescript real estate office. I had no idea what door I was supposed to enter for my lesson. I texted the teacher: he came downstairs. We had our lesson. Continue reading →

Healthcare is Expensive

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Four days a week, I take calls for a Maine-based healthcare provider. The calls run the gamut: people are sick, they want to fill their prescriptions (and there are lots of pills being pushed), or they make some variation on a common theme—demanding some kind of service (often that day), demonstrating how little they know about how broken our healthcare system really is.

Back in the late 1990s, I worked for another healthcare provider. We were an HMO, back when HMOs were supposed to save the day and reinvent medicine in America. More important in this discussion was that HMOs were expected to be the cost-containment deemed necessary at that juncture. HMOs did not save healthcare.

I really liked my gig back then. The organization was locally-managed and really had a humane, quality-focused approach to healthcare. Where I’m at now often reminds me of that time 20 years ago. However, the organization with skilled local management got swallowed like Jonah getting inhaled by the whale. A corporate giant vacuumed up the business based in Freeport and almost overnight, everything went downhill.  Profit became the primary motif and most of our group who were hired together to service a block of Midwestern business, scattered to the four corners of the work world. Some of us ended up at a disability insurer I’ve often referred to as Moscow Mutual. That’s another story I’ve written about, including in a book of essays that mainly ended up being relegated to the publishing dustbin.

Elizabeth Warren, one of the bloated field of Democrats, released details recently about her Medicare for All plan, her solution for overhauling American healthcare. As soon as Warren dotted the I’s and crossed the T’s of her plan, the critics crawled out from their corners, detailing why moving from a broken system to one covering everyone, lowering costs, and improving care outcomes won’t work. Continue reading →