Monthly Archives: June 2018

Back From the Road

Posted on by

I’m home from the road. I especially missed my better half during my time out on America’s highways. There were those times when I just wanted to share whatever I was seeing or experiencing along the way with Mary. Social media is great. Texts and phone calls allow you to remain in-touch. But looking into the eyes of that special someone is something you can only do face-to-face.

Back issues have been a semi-regular affliction in my life. No matter how diligent I might be about exercise and taking care of myself, I can bend down and my back will suddenly “go out.” It doesn’t happen all the time, but enough so that it’s become an annoyance.

My method for dealing with ongoing back situations has been to keep a skilled Doctor of Osteopathy (D.O.) on speed dial. I first discovered the benefits of osteopathic manipulation under the care of Dr. David Johnson. Back then (1987), his practice was in Yarmouth. He was always overbooked, and I learned to bring a something to read and get used to waiting 45 minutes (if not longer) beyond my appointment time. The relief he provided was always worth the wait. He left for a sabbatical and I needed to find another D.O. Fortunately, I learned about Dr. Louis Hanson in Cumberland. I was with him for 25 years, even after he closed his practice due the demands of the 21st century medical model, and joined a practice group. I was devastated when he died in a plane crash, pursuing his passion of flying single-engine aircraft. Finding a new D.O. became challenging. Continue reading →

Patience For the Ride

Posted on by

Travel days are often “lost days.” By that I mean that the effort and energy required to get from point to point often delivers a net loss in terms of value.

I actually spent two days traveling back to Maine after leaving my Airbnb location in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina.

Tuesday was a long day of driving, traffic snarls from DC north, and just plain gridlock in NYC as I hit the Big Apple at rush hour. Then, creeping northward into Connecticut, battling the worst drivers and driving I’d witnessed on the entire trip.

My goal on Wednesday was to get north of the city and I managed to do it, balky back and all. My back’s been fucked-up the entire trip. Any significant time in the seat was followed by excruciating pain upon exiting the driver’s position.

I wanted to stop-over in Providence and see Mark’s tree in front of the library on the Brown campus. I hadn’t seen the tree since its planting last fall.

The benefit of my marathon driving day on Wednesday is that I was in Providence at 8:00 a.m. and I had some time in that space remembering my son before things got busy. It was very emotional.

Mark’s tree at Brown.

The plague in front of John D. Rockefeller Library

Continue reading →

Dad Goes For a Drive

Posted on by

I spent most of Sunday driving across the Allegheny Mountains, passing through rural villages and hollers. At times the sheer natural magnitude left me breathless. Mountains symbolize something bigger than ourselves. When I’m in their shadow, I’m left humbled. It helps me to realize how insignificant I am.

Along backcountry highways, I knew that here, many supported Donald Trump. It was also impossible not to notice numerous gun shops and signs trumpeting patriotism. Being on the road is a reminder that we are living in a collection of states where people hold contrary views, with little to bridge the divide. I’m not sure I see that story ending well.

This sign should read, “Trump Country.”

Passing through the land of guns, God, and glory.

Late in the afternoon, I found PA-641. This is the road where Mark began walking after crossing the river from Harrisburg. He stopped at The Healthy Grocer. Continue reading →

Always a Father

Posted on by

Death affects people in  various ways. If you are a parent, where does the role you’ve occupied for more than three decades go? Are you still a father (or a mother)?

Last year on Father’s Day, we drove down to Providence and retraced the beginning of Mark’s walk when he left his house on Pleasant Street, setting out on what would be his final walk. A friend of his, James, helped us figure out the steps Mark took as he left his beloved city. A small group of friends and co-workers walked out to a point on the city’s bike walking trail and turned back. We walked nearly 11 miles.

Mark, in addition to being an award-winning poet, activist, and a one-in-a-million son, also collected geography, while passing through places in Rhode Island, Connecticut, New York, Pennsylvania. He reached Zanesville in Ohio. He got on a bus. He’d concocted a plan designed to subvert the coming of winter and what that meant to his bare feet. It was the only way he could come up with for continuing to walk. It seemed like a brilliant idea. Hell, it was a brilliant idea!. How could he know that the Greyhound was taking him south was actually transporting him closer to something dark and tragic waiting for him in Florida’s Panhandle? Continue reading →

Crossword Puzzles

Posted on by

I’ve probably done five crossword puzzles in my life. Puzzles never really interested me. Then, inexplicably, I decided to tackle Sunday’s puzzle in The New York Times Magazine. It was harder than I thought it would be. However, I kept at it for two hours and then, came back to it at night. I still didn’t finish it. Actually, I kind of sucked at it!

My first Sunday crossword was a learning experience.

There have been people in my life devoted to puzzling—like my late father-in-law. He would sit at the table after returning from one of his endless nighttime meetings and work his way through a daily puzzle as a way to unwind. Continue reading →

The Death of Anthony Bourdain

Posted on by

I’m not sure when the fetishization of food began, a place in our culture where watching others cook and especially eat became a thing. I found an article that does a good job of capturing the hoopla around food. It’s especially fitting given the death of Anthony Bourdain, who the writer called “the Elvis of bad boy chefs.”

I watched Bourdain’s various shows on Travel Channel over the years, especially “No Reservations.” He was an interesting dude. I always thought I’d enjoy meeting him. I loved the time he was hanging in the desert with his buddy, Josh Homme, of Queens of the Stone Age.

Continue reading →

A Better Pope

Posted on by

I was raised Catholic. At some point, Catholic theology became irrelevant to me and my life.

Later, I got into born-again-ism. That was okay for a time. Then it wasn’t. Something about Brother (Jack) Hyles not liking blacks riding on his First Baptist Church buses.

Mary and I were 23 with a son who wasn’t quite two when I realized that moving nearly half-way across the country to follow God had been a mistake. Jack Hyles was a phony. That was part of Mark’s history, too.

I wrote a bit about my Catholic experience in a previous book of essays. The essay was called “The Altar Boy.” My family of origin didn’t really like it. What I wrote was true, though. And I really don’t give a damn what people who’ve abandoned me time-and-time again think. I didn’t then, I don’t now.

Last night, Mary and I began what will be a new chapter in our lives of grief and loss without Mark. Periodically, we’re going to get out of the house and do something a bit different during the week. Like going to see a movie.

At the movies: Pope Francis

The Eveningstar Cinema, a place where we’ve both been seeing films since it opened in 1979 has undergone a makeover. New seats, carpeting, and a digital marquee out front (not the old climb-a-ladder-to-post-a-film-announcement signage that’s been there forever) make it seem a bit more 2018 (or at least less pre-Reagan). I’m pleased that Barry’s still in the movie business. All of us film buffs are better for it, even if his demographic seems to be getting older all the time. Continue reading →

Is It Summer Yet?

Posted on by

I don’t know for sure if summer arrived on Saturday. It seemed like it did. 85 and abundant sunshine felt like summer.

Officially, summer doesn’t show up on the calendar until June 21, 2 ½ weeks away. Today’s 50-degree dampness and rain makes Saturday seem like I may have dreamed it. But I know I didn’t. I was there.

The White Sands of OOB mean summer’s here!

The flowers we planted are doing well. My two trips to Laurel Hill last week to water them helped. Going to the cemetery no longer seems weird. It’s now a part of my life and Mary’s. I usually bring poems to read to Mark. On Saturday, I read Matthew Zapruder’s “Graduation Day.” It seemed fitting after being at the Hyde School graduation the week before. The young man I’ve worked with since last September graduated. Continue reading →