Birthday Blog-Mark 35

Posted on by

December 19 will forever be Mark’s birthday for me (and his mom). It’s a day that will always be sad now that he’s gone. It once foreshadowed Christmas for his parents. He was the best Christmas gift two young parents could have received far from their families, in Indiana, during that bitterly cold month in 1983.

I posted last year on December 19 and thought I would again this year. This one from when Mark was 31 may be my favorite birthday post. I recall a saying that Mary’s late mom used to share: “Remember the happy times.” I’m holding on to those, today.

Mark was a vegan superhero. (protesting in front of Textron’s headquarters, Providence, RI, in 2016)

December and January have become bookends to a dark period for Mary and me. It’s that “season of anniversaries” that I mention to people I know and who knew Mark. That “sad season” actually commences just prior to Thanksgiving and then, it runs through the anniversary of his death on January 21. I’m not sure that February will ever be a joyous month, either. That is how passing through the landscape of grief, loss, and mourning goes.

Mary’s family has been great. Thanksgiving this year was okay. Spending time in Maine’s western mountains helped. Then, the first weekend in December, we returned to the place where we’ve spent a weekend in early December for years (we couldn’t do it, last year) taking part in the Tarazewich Christmas gathering. I believe this tradition dates back to 2007. Along a lake in tiny village named Woodstock is a “camp” filled with countless memories of Mark. That’s where we first met (and fell in love with) his girlfriend at the time, Gabi. That was the year she’d graduated from Wheaton (Mark was a 2006 graduate). We actually met her for the first time when she stepped out of the car in front of Mary’s sister and brother-in-law’s house. I’m sure it was a bit overwhelming, but she handled it with aplomb.

Memories of Mark are fraught with triggers. I never know what might unleash another torrent of sadness and grief raining down on my head and heart.

An Easter to remember. (Providence, RI, 2009)

We raised our son to be tough and independent in spirit and he cultivated a uniquely optimistic outlook about life and even adversity. I know he didn’t get that from me: probably from Mary.

He took childhood lessons to heart and revamped the curriculum with his own values, mixed with love and compassion, filtered through a poet’s sensibility, with the zaniness of a performance artist. I miss learning new things because of him. He taught me that you’re never too old of a dog to learn new tricks. With Mark, he was always learning. He loved sharing whatever was new with those circulating in his orbit, dispensed with his characteristic gentleness and yes, that wacky humor that at times would make his grumpy dad even grumpier. I’d gladly have him come up behind me and pat me on the head tomorrow, and I wouldn’t complain at all.

Mary and I launched the Mark Baumer Sustainability Fund to honor our wonderful son, the love of our lives. It’s now a 501(c)3 foundation that will live on to honor Mark, and help cultivate traits that were part of his philosophy of life—especially love, kindness, and taking a direct and personal responsibility in building a more gentle and humane world—one that honors and respects all people.

If you knew Mark and want to honor him on his birthday, then think about making a contribution to the Mark Baumer Sustainability Fund.

These are the things we’re about:

A mission-driven nonprofit.

I Did Not Know That

Posted on by

Pride prompts us to think we know more than we do. Since there is no one who knows everything: most of us aren’t even close to being able to sort the important from the chaff in the world (and who could days, given the daily avalanche of information, the factual equivalent of white noise?).

Still, my thirst for knowledge and understanding continues. Occasionally, amazement and wonder accompany one of these runs down a rabbit hole. The end result is new information, and yet another reminder that I need to remain humble, because I know so little.

Thinking is hard work!!

With the change in another season comes colder days. I seem to have misplaced my zest for outdoor activities. The early fall bike rides I made along roads lined with brilliant foliage have been replaced. Now, you’re more likely to find me on the inside of the glass on those days that are even too cold for a brisk walk around the “loop.” That’s when I’m not standing in front of a classroom of young students, doing my best imitation of the JBE to keep them on-task. Thankfully, the Bath YMCA is close and I remain committed to my two-days-a-week in the pool.

Winter means I’m now spending time on my stationary bike again. The reward is that there is an uptick in podcast-listening. In addition to Rich Roll (someone I’ve mentioned before), I’ve added Chris Hayes and his excellent Why Is This Happening? Continue reading →

Emotional Music

Posted on by

I can be going through my day, oblivious to this season’s constant reminders of the second anniversary signposts Mary and I’ll be moving past in December and January. Then, a song comes on the radio, or in the sequencing of CD/album, or a Spotify playlist, and I’ll be wrecked. What is it about certain songs that hit me with the emotional equivalent of a ton of bricks?

Not only does certain music and more specifically, songs, affect me, but hearing people talk about their own loss also triggers emotions. Like several nights last week, driving home from tutoring, and hearing Mark Curdo winding down another day of Markathon on WCYY.

Yo La Tengo plays some amplified Hanukkah tunes. (Brooklyn Vegan photo)

As he closed out each day of fundraising, the later hour meant that the busyness of responding to phone calls and other communication had lessened. The solitude of the hour allowed Curdo to open up and speak about his own experiences with grief, or share his heart about the center’s work and mission to help those moving through the grief journey. One night, it was Curdo talking about Brendon Whitney, the talented Portland rapper (who rapped as Alias) and producer who died unexpectedly last April. Curdo was forthcoming about how his close friend’s death devastated him. Another night and the tears were flowing as I headed south on Route 1, headed for home. Continue reading →

Women Won’t Save Us

Posted on by

We are living through “the year of the woman.” Following the mid-term elections that delivered a female tsunami, naive believers have glommed onto the myth that depositing a wave of women on the steps of the capitol—simply assuming that swapping the gender of those who prop up our power structure will change everything. This is akin to believing in the magic of fairy dust.

Some of these “new” women actually believe that if they had been in power, bad things wouldn’t have happened. I say, “dream on.”

When I roll out of bed, I usually do my stretching in front of the television. I want my weather beamed from a 32-inch flat screen, not a phone sitting in my palm.

Before switching the channel to our local news affiliate, I caught the last five minutes of this morning’s MSNBC’s First Look. Their final segment had yet another variation of “the woman have arrived to save us” narrative that’s in vogue with lazy journalists.

Generally, I wouldn’t have paid much attention to the screenshot of a group of about a dozen women, but one name “jumped out” at me, identifying her photo. That would be Gina Raimondo, the new head of the Democratic Governors Association.

Yes, Raimondo is a woman. I’m also aware that men have done more than their fair share of damage to the planet. But she is not a woman I’m cheering for in her role leading an organization that’s “dedicated to electing Democratic governors and candidates.” Oh, glory!

Women in power suits, making plays for power.

Continue reading →

Feelings Not Facts

Posted on by

After a welcome break from tutoring, I was back at for the first time in two weeks. I’m not sure why—maybe it was just that I’d gotten used to having my evenings back and under my own control—but I was exhausted when I rolled up on the cove around 9:45 Wednesday night.

When I get home after 2 ½ hours of trying to get 25 high school-age students to put down their cell phones and do some homework, I’ll often sit-up for an hour or so with a beer (sometimes a snack) and more often than not, I’ll watch The Last Word with Lawrence O’Donnell on MSNBC. Because I tune-in just prior to the 10:00 p.m. segue between hosts and shows, I’ve come to enjoy being there for the “hand-off” that takes place between the brilliant Rachel Maddow and O’Donnell, a savvy political veteran of DC’s internecine combat.

Wednesday night, though, for some odd reason, I switched on CNN. When I am home at night, I rarely miss Ms. Maddow’s special blend of research, commentary, and the way she weaves each evening’s storyline, coaxing viewers along for something other than the usual soundbite journalism that’s all-too-common in this post-factual era.

It’s unfortunate that the only two left-of-center news networks force us to choose: pitting Maddow against Chris Cuomo (over on CNN), and then, O’Donnell goes head-to-head against worthy rival, Don Lemon. What I often end up doing is channel-surfing between networks during commercials, which works at times.

Cuomo, in addition to being a journalist is also a licensed attorney. He draws on that  legal background to “make his case” in whatever story he’s covering on a given night. Wednesday night, it was President Trump, and how the Orange Menace opts for feelings over facts, time-and-time-again. This is nothing new to anyone who doesn’t source their information solely from TrumpTV (better know as, Fox News). But for the Kool-Aid crowd of Trump toadies, this is an interesting flip-flop. Continue reading →

Writing Newsletters

Posted on by

Thanksgiving’s gift of an extended respite was a welcome one. No tutoring, insurance, and only one chance to sub at a nearby high school.

I read, tag-teamed in the kitchen with my better half on some amazing plant-based meals rooted in simplicity: I had my evenings free, which has been rare since September. Thursday, we drove into Maine’s snowy western mountain region for time with Mary’s family.

Western Mountain splendor.

Grief is “a process.” The idea of grief proceeding neatly through “five stages” has been imposed upon those grieving, thanks to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. Fifty years ago, she described a progression of emotional states experienced by terminally ill patients after receiving their diagnosis. Because of her “theory,” those who mourn are often inflicted by well-meaning people with the belief that we should be “getting over” our sadness and loss. If it were only as simplistic as passing through five stages.

I’m not going to debate the veracity of Kubler-Ross’s framework. Others have already done that. But Mary and I know better than most that grief doesn’t proceed in an orderly fashion, even if some wish it would. Grieving people will always mourn the loss of someone special and loved, like we loved Mark. Continue reading →

Save the Turkeys

Posted on by

It’s a given that every year, a week or two prior to Thanksgiving, there will be a host of stories related to food safety and the traditional turkey dinner. Inevitably, salmonella will be the villain. These stories are always framed in terms of “proper handling” and cooking your bird for a set amount of time at a certain temperature (to kill what’s most likely to affect humans consuming contaminated holiday-associated foods).

Proper handling of your Thanksgiving turkey. (NY Times Cooking)

Of course, if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know that industrial meat (and poultry) manufacturing in America is one hot mess. Not even addressing the compassion angle about cruelty to animals, large, factory-farming operations are breeding grounds for disease and contamination. But why face reality when it comes to meat and poultry consumption? Let’s simply wing it when it comes to cooking ole’ Tom Turkey and hope for the best.

Just a year ago, there was an outbreak of the common bacterial disease that affects the intestinal tract. Salmonella bacteria typically live in animal and human intestines and are shed through feces. Humans become infected most frequently through contaminated water or food. The outbreak linked to raw turkey products, which began in California in 2017, has now spread across 35 states and sickened 164 people.

When I was still eating animal products, I believed somehow that chicken and turkey (white meat) was healthier. The reason I believed that was due to the clever marketing done by the poultry industry and their lobbyists. It was supposedly leaner and better for me as a carnivore. That was a lie, but like most Americans, being a duped consumer was part of my red, white, and blue DNA. Continue reading →

Who is Wise?

Posted on by

Being wise was once considered a good thing. Wisdom is much more than simply “knowing a lot.” Some think that having “the ability to make sound judgments and choices based on experience” is another way of delineating who is wise and who is not.

Intelligence is more than a mere accumulation of facts. Gathering information is a good starting point. But what to do with that mountain of data? In most faith traditions, wisdom is lauded. Proverbs, a book in the Christian Bible, considers wisdom something that originates with God.

Socrates was wise.

I have been interested in the life of the mind for a long time. My quest to learn, often as an autodidact, dates back to a time in my early 30s when I realized I wasn’t that “sharp.” I began one summer to read. I’ve read voraciously ever since then.

During a key period in my life beginning in 2006, I had the good fortune to go to work for a brilliant man. Bryant Hoffman was also a good man: kind and thoughtful, too. He became an important figure in my life. He had his Ph.D. in English and had been a former college dean. He always deflected when I’d talk about this. He’d say, in he self-deprecating way that having an advanced degree didn’t make one deep, or particularly smart. In his case, I’d disagree. I had to work to keep up with things he’d toss off, facts about literary figures and Irish poets. He’d do this as naturally as most of us breathe. Continue reading →

Doomed to Repitition

Posted on by

I’m a bit early on my post that touches on Veterans Day. For most, I think it’s become just another holiday on the calendar that some don’t have to go to work for.

Time as a unit of measure marches on. This passage—known to those who study it as “history”—is too often ignored. Worse, men (and women) who ought to know better, dismiss it as mere dates, names, and numbers.

We know the quote, attributed to George Santayana, about ignoring our past. People love to quote it, and yet, those very same people—often learned and well-educated in a formal sense—rarely take the time to read and ruminate on the foundation that our nation, our ideals, and our form of government rests upon.

Books like this one expand our understanding of the past.

I spent a portion of October reading a splendid book about the 1960s. Southern historian Frye Galliard’s, A Hard Rain: America in the 1960s, Our Decade of Hope, Possibility, and Innocence Lost, offers an expansive unfolding of the time and key figures and events that framed one of our country’s most significant, and equally tumultuous decades. It took Galliard, a gifted historian nearly 700 pages to create this historical snapshot. He easily could have gone on I’m sure, but even at that length, the book is longer than most people are willing to sit with, even something so significant. It’s really too bad because I thought it was readable in a way that longer, historical tomes are often, not.

Tomorrow will be Veteran’s Day. This weekend, our ahistorical president, oblivious and ignorant to the symbolism and significance of the ending of World War I, performed like a petulant adult-child. This Orange Menace, who occupies our presidency, exhibited a truculence that was disrespectful to the country of France, his hosts, and he also was a sorry surrogate for Americans who remember the events of that horrible war, even if it was experienced during a long-ago history class in school. The president also demonstrated total disdain for the solemnity of Armistice Day, nor the memories of those who gave the ultimate sacrifice in a war where more than 16 million soldiers and civilians perished. It’s quite likely he didn’t even know what Armistice Day is. Continue reading →

Moving Past the Midterm

Posted on by

I am a progressive, politically. I’m fine with the label, “radical,” also. There’s a tie-in to the late historian, Howard Zinn on the latter point. Zinn was a man who I admired and I’m glad Mark and got to hear him speak at Bates College one year during his Wheaton years, when he was home for Thanksgiving.

Tuesday’s election results are being interpreted in a myriad manner of ways. Much of the parsing of the final tallies of voter’s choices land along a narrow ideological divide. While certainly someone who can be called a “partisan,” Ari Melber’s trenchant analysis on MSNBC nailed it, IMHO. Spin it however you want: it was a historic night!

Tuesday was a historic night for Democrats.

For those deniers of “blue waves” or believers who thought Beto might win in Texas, a state redder than a ripe tomato, Wednesday morning delivered disappointment. If you were hoping for something less—simply restoring some check on the Orange-Menace-in-Chief—then you might be okay with the outcome. Of course, being the narcissist that he is, The Trumpinator made his push for Republicans what some were calling “a referendum.” As he told one reporter, “In a sense, I am on the ticket,” said The Donald following one of his rallies.

Sharice Davids, left, celebrates with mother, Tuesday night. (Jim Lo Scalzo photo)

Continue reading →