Distancing from Darkness

Over the past few weeks, I’ve received several hand-written notes. These were all personalized acknowledgements of what Mary and I have been going through since Mark was killed on January 21. Often, they touched on the difficult time that this person had in reaching out and the struggle for words that adequately addressed what they thought we are going through.

When people that know you don’t respond, it only compounds the grief and loss that you are feeling. That’s been my experience anyways in not hearing from people that I assume know that we lost our only son—and that we are walking through a valley and have been for more than two months.

As Linda Andrews writes in her lovely and pertinent book about grief and loss, Please Bring Soup To Comfort Me While I Grieve,

When it comes to the topic of grief, many people are uncomfortable and unprepared to know what to say or do. Some people try to say the right thing and others just avoid the whole situation. The effect on the person who is grieving is devastating; feelings of pain, hurt, anger and disappointment prevail. People who are grieving are not in a position to understand this flaw in the human spirit. Continue reading

Beyond Words

It was three weeks ago last night when the state trooper drove down our darkened driveway and knocked on our door. Three weeks ago, our lives were forever altered by the actions of a woman who from this report and information available online, shouldn’t have been behind the wheel of her SUV. Mary and I shouldn’t be left to grieve the death of our son. But here we are.

Grief has been written about and described in various ways. Linda Andrews, who wrote a wonderful book on the subject, describes it as “a deep dark hole.” At times, it feels like that.

Linda’s a friend, and I actually served as a consultant when she was developing the idea for Please Bring Soup To Comfort Me While I Grieve. Mark did the layout and design and developed a website for her. She’s stayed in touch with Mary and I since Mark was killed. The other day she sent us this:

The death of a loved one shifts the whole foundation of our life. Nothing is as it was. Even what was most familiar seems in a strange way unfamiliar. It is as though we had to learn a new language, a new way of seeing. Even the face in the mirror seems the face of a stranger. Continue reading

A Good Coach

I’m not sure if the best coaches are the ones who everything came easily to, or maybe the better ones are those who had to struggle a bit and figure some things out. There are examples from both categories, so relying on the anecdotal won’t deliver the definitive on that question.

Coaches are important; that I do believe. They can identify some minor flaw, and get you to focus on positive assets while dialing down your liabilities. I’m sure we can all name essential coaches and mentors who helped us along toward success at key times in our lives.

Sometimes our lives simply get choked full of weeds and debris, and we need someone objective (bringing necessary “distance and space”) to help us unclutter, refocus, and even breathe deeply and regularly. Sort of like what Mainers and others do coming out of winter, when we rake up the yard, and clear out the detritus from winter, tidying up our flower gardens.

I was on the radio this morning, on The Breakfast Club, talking about publishing your own book with local writer, Linda Andrews, a coaching client of mine. Linda did an awesome job, talking about her amazing new book, Please Bring Soup To Comfort Me While I Grieve.

On the radio with Linda Andrews, talking indie publishing.

On the radio with Linda Andrews, talking indie publishing.

Sometimes a coach can make all the difference for us. Continue reading

Publishing Progression

When I got into publishing, it was mainly a method to get my first book to market.  I started out knowing very little. At the time, indie publishing (what most call, “self-publishing”) wasn’t being embraced by the likes of Amazon and others, because it hadn’t yet become a lucrative income stream for them. But self-published books have been around since books first rolled off Gutenberg’s press.

Printing's come a long way since Gutenberg's time.

Printing’s come a long way since Gutenberg’s time.

What once was the domain of legacy presses and authors who couldn’t get a book deal, now finds writers like Jamie McGuire landing on the shelves of major retailers and books like Andy Weir’s The Martian (originally self-published) are being made into Hollywood movies. Continue reading