Happy Enough

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First, let me put out this disclaimer: I am no authority on matters of happiness and especially, mindfulness meditation. Now that I’ve dispensed with that, let me share a bit about the last four weeks in my life, or better, “How I Learned to Meditate and Become Slightly Happier.”

I don’t think happiness is a great motivator. Everyone wants to be happy, but the problem with wanting to “be happy” is that happiness is often difficult to define.

Four weeks ago, I heard Dan Harris share his own story and personal skepticism towards meditation on The Rich Roll Podcast. Like me, Harris never thought much about meditation. I touched down briefly respective to Harris in a post about EQ, a month ago. Consider today’s post my progress report, four weeks out.

Actually, in my case, I knew that my son, Mark Baumer, meditated, but for a variety of reasons, I always had difficulty incorporating meditation into my daily practice. Perhaps I thought I had to sit still for 20 or 30 minutes. No way I could do it two years ago. Even now, after four weeks, I’m able to handle six or seven minutes, tops. I try to do this two times each day, although my goal is simply to manage one session. Here’s how I got started, and you can, too.

  1. Sit with your back straight and your eyes closed.
  2. Notice the feeling of your breath coming in and out.
  3. Notice how your mind goes off on all kinds of tangents: refocus and come back to your breath.

Am I happier? Actually, while Harris’ goal was to be “10 percent happier,” I’m not so worried about happiness. I’m simply trying to find a way to “center” each and every day.

For you, maybe that’s not a problem. But if my observation of the world around me is accurate, it seems like there’s way too much “white noise,” people reacting rather than reflecting (think of our president, on Twitter), and agitation has run amok.

But it’s up to you. Take my suggestion or leave it. The choice is yours.

This short video is helpful and everything you need to get started on your own personal path to being a bit more mindful (and maybe, happier).

Ambition

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Sufjan Stevens once set out to record 50 albums about all 50 U.S. states, at least he made an announcement about his intent. According to an interview, this was all a “promotional gimmick,” a joke of sorts, and one he didn’t have any inclination of completing. He did finish two of them.

The first time I heard about Stevens’ ambitious proposal was from Mark. Stevens may have been the genesis of his own ambitious plan to publish “50 books in 50 weeks” project. He actually completed his.

Project success, or not, I still like Stevens as an artist. I think Illinois (2005) is one of my favorite discs in my collection. “Casimir Pulaski Day” is one of the saddest songs I’ve ever heard. It’s even sadder, now.

From the Bible of the music world I live in, Pitchfork, Stevens’ music is described this way, from a review of his latest records, “Carrie & Lowell” (the names of his mother and stepdad),

Stevens has always written personally, weaving his life story into larger narratives, but here his autobiography, front and center, is itself the grand history. The songs explore childhood, family, grief, depression, loneliness, faith, rebirth in direct and unflinching language that matches the scaled-back instrumentation. There are Biblical references, and references to mythology, but most it is squarely Stevens and his family.

Maybe the reason I like his music is because it’s about life.

Oh, and Pitchfork gave it a 9.3 (on a scale of 10). Others like narratives drawn from life, too.

The Sociological Thread

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Mary was going through some old boxes that had cards, letters, and other assorted paperwork. She has resumed efforts at downsizing that began prior to our move back in 2016.

Some of the boxes contained letters from her mom, sent during college. When we were both off at school back in the day, letters (not text or social media) were how parents communicated with their children who were off at school if they cared about remaining in-touch.

Yesterday was yet another sad holiday. I felt inadequate, knowing her sense of loss as a mother whose son was killed: she also lost her mom last fall, so the day was particularly tough for her. I’ll experience something similar on Father’s Day. Life is never the same for parents who’ve lost an adult child, and not everyone is celebratory on days like these.

An item Mary dug out related to me was an old book report. I’m not sure what I wrote it for (most likely a freshman English class at UMO). It was on Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain.

Reporting out on “Huckleberry Finn” (circa 1980 or 1981)

Reading through my writing from the past was interesting. It doesn’t quite match up to my writing today, but there were signature items in this 300-word review that made me smile.

In the report, I managed to report-out on the “sociological thread” running through Twain’s signature work. Apparently, my interest in that method of analyzing writing was present back in 1980 or 1981.

I wrote this:

His (Twain’s) creation of Huck Finn, the uncouth, ignorant character at the heart of the book, captured the hearts of countless readers. This is something in its own right. Twain goes a step further, though, and delves into the sociological makeup of Americans at this time period.

I’d  rewrite this paragraph today so that it reads a bit “smoother,” but I obviously had cultivated an eye for the “sociological,” because it was there, back in my late teens.

Dances With Bears

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I’d argue that books and reading (can) open us up to the wider world. While it’s counter-intuitive, social media seems to be making us smaller.

In a recent blog post, I shared about my subscribing to a real newspaper—in this case—The New York Times.

I am reading Witold Szablowski’s book about dancing bears after reading the review that appeared in last week’s Times’ Book Review section.

A fascinating book about how humans often hearken for things they shouldn’t, but do, because it supposedly makes their lives easier.

A book about “the good-ole days” of authoritarian rule.

The book’s introduction starts this way:

The guy with the wacky hair and the crazed look in his eyes did not appear out of nowhere. He was already known to them. Sometimes he said how great they were, and told them to go back to their roots: if need be, he threw in some highly unlikely but madly alluring conspiracy theory. Just to get them to listen. And to give them a fright. Because he’d noticed that if he scared them, they paid him more attention. Continue reading →

Never Far Away

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Life goes on. At least that’s what they tell us. Actually, by repeating the phrase back at other people, it helps make them feel better about you that you are feeling better—but you’re not. You’re just moving with the flow, swept up in the momentum of life moving forward.

In the fall, I found out a private school nearby needed people to come in at night and help some of their students during a time slot called “guided study.” I told the director a bit of my story and how I would try to make it through the first week, but that there were “no promises.” I did. And then, I made it through the next week, and the week after that. We are now in the month when the students I’ve met across weeks numbering in the 30s are looking forward to the end of the trimester and going home. I did better than I thought I would.

Maybe the reason I managed to do the “life going on” dance had to do with a young man I met my second week of tutoring. He needed help with his statistics assignment. I hadn’t done statistics in decades, especially statistical word problems that required solutions relevant to terms like median, standard deviation, mode, and variance. I had to draw “pictures” to figure them out. He said to me, “why are you drawing pictures?” We both learned that he was visual and this offered us a window into understanding his learning style.

The next night, I was asked if I wanted to work with him one-on-one. I said I’d give it a shot. We’ve been meeting four nights a week (and Sunday nights, too) since late September. I’ve learned that he likes order and routine. I’ve tried to create that five nights a week.

My days are spent working on other things. I’m writing a book. A week ago, I drove to Waterville and then, Oakland, and offered a new seminar I’ve developed, The ABCs of Medicare. I began my week by sending out another newsletter for the Mark Baumer Sustainability Fund. Yes, life goes on. But you are never far away.

Springtime has dawdled this year, taking its sweet time getting here. Those of us who live in the Northeast have learned patience with the seasons—those who haven’t must contend with their constant carping (that does nothing to speed along seasonal change). At the very least, they’re always going to be disappointed. I’ve learned that life can be disappointing. Grief and loss are excellent instructors.

Spring is also a time of year that reminds me of all the previous beginnings of baseball dating back to the time when I was probably five or six and learning that baseball seasons all have starting points. These always correspond with spring’s arrival.

These (spring) memories are never far away.

Continue reading →

The Essential Vice

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There is a tendency for many of us to think we’re smarter, more evolved—superior, really—than others. Whatever we’re doing at the moment, including what we know, the way we live our lives—we consider to be on a higher plain than the other “deluded” mortals. They call that hubris, I think.

I’ve started meditating. I already know some of you are going, “kooky.” That’s fine.

Whenever I set aside time to for this practice, my mind sets off running in a myriad of directions, like it always does when I try to slow it down and locate space away from the “white noise” of daily life.

“Why don’t others meditate?” my thoughts often communicate back to me with smugness. That pride thing.

Actually, others do meditate. Mark embraced meditation over the last four years of his life. He let me know he meditated, but he never made me feel inadequate because I didn’t (and “couldn’t”) for the longest time. Continue reading →

Newspaper Reading

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I have a vested interest in people’s ability to read—I’m a writer, for God’s sake! And while the model of books and publishing has been turned on it’s head by digital technology, print still offers us a route to the future, I think (at least, I hope it does).

A week ago Saturday, I drove into Portland for a book event. Author Steve Almond was in town at Longfellow Books. He was slated to be paired with local writing star, Ron Currie Jr. It promised to be an evening worth leaving the house for during a season when it felt (at least a week ago) that spring’s been detained somewhere else..

Unfortunately, Currie had a personal matter that kept him from facilitating the discussion, but a rising Maine legislative star, Ryan Fecteau, was pressed into action on short notice. He performed admirably. All this to say that Almond’s new book and provocative discussion around the idea that we’re telling each other the wrong or “bad stories” has been on my mind since.

People who once occupied prominent space in my life recognized the importance of stories and maybe better—reading. My son, Mark, comes immediately to mind. But unlike others who have dropped out of my orbit (by choice), he walked his talk. I’ll always remember the years we spent a fall Saturday in Copley Square at yet another Boston Book Festival, and the year he ended the day toting two overflowing canvas grocery bags that must have weighed about 75 pounds each, overflowing with books. We have a bookshelf in our house that’s filled with books he had at his Providence house. Mark had “de-cluttered” his life in a Marie Kondo-esque manner, but he still kept books. I’d say that 3/4 of the things we carted back to Maine when we emptied his room after he was killed were books. I still marvel at his reading lists.

Weekend reading.

Continue reading →

Who Taught You To Live Like That?

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When I was typing out the title to this post, I accidentally pecked out “who taught you to lie like that.” I had to chuckle because I was thinking that very thing this morning while ruminating about a certain president who resembles a Cheeto, and the prevaricators who carry his water.

But I don’t want to write about him (today).

I blogged about emotional intelligence the other day. Another topic that remains in heavy rotation in my thinking.

Canadian bands and artists have colored my musical palette for quite some time. I think it dates back to a trip to Montreal that our unit of three made back in the early 1990s. I ended up finding a cassette tape by The Tragically Hip (RIP Gord Downie). I became a fanboy from then on for their north-of-the-border take on classic rock.

I finally got to see “The Hip” play live at The State Theater. There were probably 500 people there on a hot August night in ’98 to see Canadian rock royalty perform. The show wasn’t heavily promoted. Mary and I learned about it when a plane flew over Old Orchard Beach pulling a streamer that said, “Tragically Hip at State Theater” that night. I said to her, “we should go.” And we did. It’s probably one of five shows we’ve attended together in our 35 years of marriage. What our pursuit of live music lacks in quantity, I think it more than makes up for in quality, though: Cheap Trick (with UFO opening), Dave Mason, The Grateful Dead, Lucinda Williams (The Bottle Rockets), and The Tragically Hip. Continue reading →

What’s Your EQ?

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From time-to-time, I’ll review blog topics I’ve brushed up against. Partly, I do this to ensure I don’t duplicate posts or topics (except posts about topics that I think need to be highlighted).

What surprised me was that while I’ve been thinking (and talking) about the topic of “emotional intelligence” a lot lately, I only have one post with that tag. That one was written last March, and only briefly touched on the topic. I mentioned it after I came across an (obscure) book written about the grief and loss associated with losing an adult child.

One thing that is all-too-clear to me is that we are being affected by leaders deficient in this crucial capability. And if you haven’t experienced the fallout yet, I’m sure you will at some point in the future, rest assured.

Mark cultivated the traits of an emotionally healthy, attuned adult. What are these?

According to The Dictionary of Psychology, written by Andrew Colman, he posits that emotional intelligence (EQ) is characterized by the “capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one’s goal(s).” Continue reading →

Conned by Casein

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We are living in the age of the con. Our president serves as our “con-artist-in-chief,” a tour guide of sorts in the art of deception.

One thing I should have learned in life—but I still seem to require regular reminders—is that if something becomes popular, everyone wants to jump on the bandwagon and extract their own element of profit. Nowhere is this more evident than in food.

As someone who has lost (and gained) significant amounts of weight on my mesomorphic frame, I’ve yo-yoed back and forth on the scale. I’ve also been on all manner of wacky diets—like the time I was pounding protein in the form of bacon and steak, with very few vegetables or fruit items. It’s only been the last few years where I’ve focused on eating healthier foods, while eliminating as much processed junk as possible.

In the fall of 2016, just prior to Mark leaving on his final walk, I decided to become a plant-based vegan. I have no regrets about that choice, and I’m glad Mark knew his mom and dad had become healthier humans prior to his death. Continue reading →